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14 years of my life went by expressing whatever my mind and heart told me to share with the world. I was shattered and broken a couple of times or more after seeing that no body was constant, and came to a conclusion that no one can ever be. I was way more happier being around with my friends than with any girl. I felt I was too complicated for anybody to ever put up with me. I thought that maybe none of this was meant for me. Thats when I saw her for the first time, she was beautiful for my eyes and soul, not just by appearance but also by the way she looked at things. She made me feel like happiness is something beyond just a feeling, it's way of living. She was magic to me. Her eyes would instantly become bigger when she sees me and she would hide her smile and try to move away from me, secretly hoping I would look at her. 3 years of my life passed by being with her. She was my heart and soul. We have fought a gazillion times and I've hated her sometimes for changing my simple life completely. I often fought with her for simple things. I would make her cry and not care about it at all, because I'm horrible. I would always pretend like none of actions bothered me, none of her happiness or sufferings bothered me. She would often breakdown, or become upset, and I knew telling her a simple sorry could change so many things, but I chose not to. She meant the world to me, but I hardly told her that. She would try so much, take so much effort make me feel alright, but I would tell her that I wanted to talk to somebody else to fix myself. I made her feel worthless most of the times. I made her hate herself. I pushed her to the point of thinking that everything that she does is a mistake. I too had my hard times. I wanted it all to end. I couldn't express myself either. I didn't want to explain things to her, because I was too hurt by the things that she did to me, with or without her knowledge. I felt like she out of all people shouldn't, ever, know anything I feel. I don't know why I thought that way, after all she's everything I had. She stayed by my side through everything, but I left her all the time. I was too selfish. I never told her everyday how much I loved her. I never told her everyday how much I wanted to be with her. I was bothered about every other thing around, the people and circumstances. I often forgot that I should hang out with her when I see her in public. I forgot a lot of things, mostly expressing how I felt with her. Maybe if I had told her how much I loved her and how I would always think of her as my constant she wouldn't have had to go through so much. She wouldn't have had to cry herself to sleep. All that she wanted was to keep me happy, I swear, nobody has ever taken so much effort to fix things in my life except her. She would do everything for me all over again even if I ignored her for more than a month. She was such a darling, and she will always be. I regret every second of my life that I should've and could've expressed more to her when she was there with me. I feel so empty, so incomplete. I had three years, three freaking years to make her feel that she's the best I've got, though I can't anymore. She left me and everybody else, once and for all. All the times that she blackmailed me that she would die if I hurt her again, I left it as a joke, though deep down I prayed she was always there for me. I wish I had her right now, I would kiss her and tell her that she was the best. It's 10 years since she's no more, and every day I only end up falling in love with her more. She was the most beautiful and energetic soul to me. I miss her every millisecond. She would've been there to stop me from crying now, for sure, she hated me shedding tears for her. She would've cuddled me to sleep. Oh god, forgive me for what I have done. Forgive me for never expressing to her how much she meant to me. Give her back to me, I promise to fix it all and take care of her. Keep her safe, I know she's being treated way better up there than I ever treated her. I hope to see her someday and complete my feelings with her, but I know that will never happen again.