It's the 9th of September, 2019 and it's been more than a year since I wrote in this blog, I guess?
I have my university exams from day after and I've been having a very weird week of holidays so far.
I'm mentally disturbed and I want to find you as soon as possible. But if you are reading this, we are either about to get married or already married. Yes thats the criteria for you to read this. Who am I kidding, I have no criteria. If you are reading this, I love you a lot and I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you, stranger. (yeah I mean, right now I have no idea who you are)
I've not really dreamt of the perfect person or something, because I don't know whats perfect or if ill ever love perfect. I'm happy I'm typing this because I finally feel like theres some hope for me in this world in finding the guy I love, who loves me back equally.
Right now I'm finding it hard to love. It's super easy for me to push people away than explain things to them. If I have a crush on someone I try to see if they feel the same way, maybe give me a chance of 2 times, lets say? If they ruin it, they're forever out of that box. It sucks, tbh. I mean my life a couple of years back was so different, but now I'm just this lonely person seeing everyone around me in happy relationships, getting married and what not! I'm scared half the time that I'm never going to find someone who can put up with me and vice versa because its so hard for me to love and I'm just 19. I remember the days when I always full of love and happiness. I'm happier than before in some aspects but also equally hurt and feel like an absolute loner.
Okay now, if you are reading this, you know you've put up with me. I don't know if i'm arranged to marry you or what, because at this point I have no clue how I'm going to find the right person.
But heres a fantasy I have in mind (if things were otherwise with us, its okay, I still love you)
I want fall in love with a person out of the blue, unexpectedly. I want to be friends with them and one day that feeling should change into something deeper. I want to go on multiple dates before we even realise we like each other. I want you to ask me out during a dinner or no wait, I want you to ask me out in a way Jake asks Amy out, something cool like that. I want us be there for each other no matter which country we end up in to study and come back and be together whenever we have the time. I want you to understand I will love you more than cake and coffee and thats a promise I will keep forever. I want us to fight over each others favourites series, movies, people, books, food. I want us to tease the shit out of each other until one of us ends up in a grumpy mood so that we can cuddle and make things alright later. I want you to know if I ever tell you I'm falling in love with you too (because please ask me out first) it means I've jumped A LOT OF HURDLES and broken A LOT OF BARRIERS to get here, to get to you.
I'm so grateful I met you. I'm so grateful I have you. Thanks for sticking with me through everything. Lets grow together, have babies, make them watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S, cuddle together, eat a lot together, make videos together, travel the world together and live with each other together, forever.
I love you.
Yours truly,
Your future girl
I have my university exams from day after and I've been having a very weird week of holidays so far.
I'm mentally disturbed and I want to find you as soon as possible. But if you are reading this, we are either about to get married or already married. Yes thats the criteria for you to read this. Who am I kidding, I have no criteria. If you are reading this, I love you a lot and I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you, stranger. (yeah I mean, right now I have no idea who you are)
I've not really dreamt of the perfect person or something, because I don't know whats perfect or if ill ever love perfect. I'm happy I'm typing this because I finally feel like theres some hope for me in this world in finding the guy I love, who loves me back equally.
Right now I'm finding it hard to love. It's super easy for me to push people away than explain things to them. If I have a crush on someone I try to see if they feel the same way, maybe give me a chance of 2 times, lets say? If they ruin it, they're forever out of that box. It sucks, tbh. I mean my life a couple of years back was so different, but now I'm just this lonely person seeing everyone around me in happy relationships, getting married and what not! I'm scared half the time that I'm never going to find someone who can put up with me and vice versa because its so hard for me to love and I'm just 19. I remember the days when I always full of love and happiness. I'm happier than before in some aspects but also equally hurt and feel like an absolute loner.
Okay now, if you are reading this, you know you've put up with me. I don't know if i'm arranged to marry you or what, because at this point I have no clue how I'm going to find the right person.
But heres a fantasy I have in mind (if things were otherwise with us, its okay, I still love you)
I want fall in love with a person out of the blue, unexpectedly. I want to be friends with them and one day that feeling should change into something deeper. I want to go on multiple dates before we even realise we like each other. I want you to ask me out during a dinner or no wait, I want you to ask me out in a way Jake asks Amy out, something cool like that. I want us be there for each other no matter which country we end up in to study and come back and be together whenever we have the time. I want you to understand I will love you more than cake and coffee and thats a promise I will keep forever. I want us to fight over each others favourites series, movies, people, books, food. I want us to tease the shit out of each other until one of us ends up in a grumpy mood so that we can cuddle and make things alright later. I want you to know if I ever tell you I'm falling in love with you too (because please ask me out first) it means I've jumped A LOT OF HURDLES and broken A LOT OF BARRIERS to get here, to get to you.
I'm so grateful I met you. I'm so grateful I have you. Thanks for sticking with me through everything. Lets grow together, have babies, make them watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S, cuddle together, eat a lot together, make videos together, travel the world together and live with each other together, forever.
I love you.
Yours truly,
Your future girl
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